Week Two

Week two saw me take the worst beating I've suffered in Head-to-Head Fantasy Baseball in 3 years. It was horrible, painful and slow. Like getting fucked in the ass by your father. It hurts, but mostly because of the shame.

Having lost Matsui to injury in Week One, I needed a replacement. I settled on Reed Johnson, mostly for his ability to score runs in that powerful Toronto lineup. Sure enough, 3 games (and 3 runs) into the week, Johnson required back surgery. He's out two months. Again, I'm glad this is a weekly league, so I then had to absorb 4 days getting zero production from two outfield spots. The first because of Johnson's injury and the second because I have Gary Sheffield. The angry slugger went a robust 2-24 with a .396 OPS. That's OPS. On base plus Slugging. .396. Amazing.

Now, blaming those two guys alone would be like blaming Nicole Richie for ever anorexic girl in America. This debacle was a team effort. I had 7 (SEVEN) players put up an OPS under .600. We only start 10 players. Really think about that. I had no shot. And I got crushed.

The worst part about it was that the team I was playing also had a lousy week, but despite that I had no chance. Felix Hernandez's one hitter at Fenway didn't help, especially since we use Batting Average Against as a category, but this one just wasn't meant to be. My team just didn't hit.

A strength of my team was supposed to be the bullpen, headed up by BJ Ryan and Francisco Cordero. Ryan killed me this week. Killed me. 1.2 innings, 3 ER and WHIP over 2. Now I hear rumors that he might be hurt. Of course he is. I have no doubt about it. Just what I want to hear.

Now of course, there's nothing I can do about my offense. I just have to wait for Hafner, Teixeira, Wright, Sheffield, Matsui and Furcal to come around. Hopefully, I won't be in dead fucking last by the time they do.